#triggeredAF

My son Zion was born in 2012 with spina bifida + developmental delays.

Every day I watch other parents post pictures of their typically developing children and (since I have zero prior experience with kids) I tend to marvel at those differences quite frequently.

I honestly don’t know what is developmentally normative (hello big words).

Some of those differences are novel to me (remember zero experience with the chirrens), some are fascinating, others bring great joy, many are triggering AF.

For years I was afraid to admit that aloud but listen, life is real, parenting is hard, adulting can suck, and trauma is an actual thing. I overcome by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of my testimony or whatever Revelation was tryna say 🤷🏾 and the world ’boutsta get this truth Ruth.

The truth is seeing healthy and typically-developing children, especially little brown boys around my son’s age is ️ TRIGGERING TO MY SPECIAL NEEDS MOM CHAKRA SPIRITS ATMOSPHERE AMBIANCE INTERNALS IN A WAY I NEVER ANTICIPATED AND NOW HAVE TO PROCESS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. periodT. #dasonmaryhadalittlelamb

And every year the gap seems to get bigger so in the months leading up to my son’s birthday I am often smacked in the face with the fact that my 8-year old ain’t like other 8-year olds and shoot daggnabbit my 9-year old seems even more different than this crop of 9-year-olds rolling through my feed.

Issalot y’all. ☹️

Now for clarity, I have no issue with parents posting their beautiful children. Matter-o-fact I love to see the pictures! I also freely post pictures of my son with no concern for anyone else’s triggers so I don’t expect anyone to consider me when tossing up a first-day-of-school or Happy Birthday shot of their progeny (heh big words abound). This is about me my Roshini’s Glamazini’s trauma and the need to give voice to a relatively common experience that we all have yet rarely share as life progresses and we, as the old people say, “keep living.”

It can be triggering to see the healthy version of your thing … and that’s ok. 🤷🏾

I have not already obtained all this as Paul was saying in Philippians but yo girl over here pressing toward the mark to posses the peace that is promised in this area.

And I have already begun to possess it. I’ve learned that the next step after acknowledgment and acceptance is to hold space my pain with zero judgment and IMMENSE GRACE.

I recently heard Pastor Dharius Daniels share that Jesus was both the Lion and the Lamb … and often we aim to attain the attributes of the lion while neglecting the fragile and vulnerable nature of the lamb in our Christlike quests.

I’m no longer doing that.

I encourage you to make room for your lion and your lamb as well.

I wish every person currently healing through a traumatic experience of exponential and ever-expanding divine peace.

Be encouraged, create your joy, … oh & here’s a pineapple. 🍍