The Virgin Islands Is Home But I May Never Live There Again
This is home.
St. Thomas, United States Virgin Islands
Yesterday I read a blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Rosetta Thurman of HappyBlackWomen.com. In it she shared that, even though she loves being location independent, she always continue to come back to Hawaii where her family lived for 6 years. She considered Hawaii home. Then she posed the question
“Where in the world feels most like “home” to you?”
Without a second thought I knew my answer was, and will always be, the Virgin Islands.
For those that don’t know, I was born and raised on Saint Thomas, United States Virgin Islands and lived there until I was 17 years old and left to attend college in Pennsylvania. Both my parents were born on Tortola British Virgin Islands so when I visit I share my time between both places. Although I a have never lived in the Virgin Islands as an adult and moved away over 20 years ago, I still consider the VI to be my home base and always will.
Here’s the thing though,
when I was reading Rosetta’s post, instead of feeling embraced by the warm comforting knowing that I always have a place to call home, I felt a hot wave of grief wash over me brought on by the recent supposition that I will probably never live in the Virgin Islands again. Just writing that sentence made my tear ducts activate. Who knows, I may be wrong but here’s why.
In 2012 I gave birth to my first child, a son born with spina bifida and other medical issues. According to his doctors he will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. While growing up in the Virgin Islands, I never gave much thought to the fact that my beautiful islands primarily supported by tourism dollars were not accessible to those who need adaptive equipment or assistance walking.
I guess I never thought about it.
You rarely do think about such things unless you have experience with someone in your family or close circle who can’t walk. When I gave birth to my son, and especially when I took him home to the Virgin Islands at age 18 months, my awareness was heightened as I looked through eyes of someone who needed a wheelchair and realized this was not good. The lack of accessibility brought me to tears and the realization that in a few short months people would stare as I carried my growing son made my heart heavier and heavier as the days passed by.
I am 100% unaware of what the accessibility laws are like in the United States and British Virgin Islands
and if there are any at all. I will do some research in the future, but I wanted to get these thoughts off of my chest. From what I can see exploring with my own eyes there aren’t m/any (or they aren’t taken seriously or enforced). Just a quick saunter over to Red Hook, Cruz Bay, Road Town or West End to get on and off of the ferry boats will show that you need to be able to walk. Shoo, even for those that *can* walk it’s a scary endeavor *joking not joking*.
When I took my son home I opted to not bring a stroller because I felt like the baby carrier would be a lot easier to maneuver with and I was correct. The lack of ramps, elevators and maintained sidewalks (or sidewalks at all) made me much more nimble carrying him and using my own 2 feet than I ever could be pushing him in anything … but then he was 18 months old … now he’s almost 3 years old and heavy as a wha! *sigh*
I’m thinking about taking my son to the Virgin Islands later this year and it freaks me out (traveling with him through the airport then arriving with a 33 pound 2.5 year old who I can’t put down or use my beloved baby carrier & the stroller won’t cut it either (we’re working on getting his wheelchair as I type but that ain’t gonna be no help either). As he gets older, I won’t be able to pick up a grown man and get him in and out of buildings etc. because of the lack of accessibility in general.
All of these things make me feel like I’m trapped here, not because anyone is holding me hostage but because even if I wanted to move home (which I do), it would be hard to get him around and so much more. I’m not sure that the special education system in the VI would give him the best possible outcome, or anything remotely close to what he can get here in Missouri (maybe I’m wrong, if you have information please let me know the comments section below).
And so I MUST stay on the mainland.
I know that a lot of parents make decisions like this so I don’t want to come off like I’m whining; I’m just venting, sharing and getting these feelings out of my head. The fact that I could even write this blog post is progress because in the past just thinking about this would render me useless and in a puddle of tears.
Often times people write to me asking me to speak about specific topics. Lately I’ve gotten a lot of questions about what it’s like to be the mother of a child with special needs. Well this, my friends, is one of my heartbreaks and real talk it sucks.
I want my son to be exposed to best resources so he can grow into a self-sufficient man and right now the Virgin Islands does not appear to offer those resources. I don’t know what the future holds but this makes me sad beyond words.
Do you have a place that you call home? Let me know in the comments section down below.
Comment or share this post if you like this type of content so I know to keep producing it. Thanks! ❤
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
10 Comments
Psyche
This post definitely activated my tear ducts. I’m too familiar with this problem in the islands. I grew up in St. Kitts. There was a young man in my cohort from junior high through 6th form who was confined to a wheelchair. Every day, the lack of accommodations at our public school said to him that he didn’t fit the world as opposed to our world didn’t fit him. Sadly, all these years later, not much has changed in terms of making that region of the world more accessible to people who might be differently-abled. I see an area that’s wide open for some advocacy work.
glamazini
Yeah, the long short is it’s heartbreaking and I know I’m not the first or last person to feel like this. My mom worked with a young lady who was in a wheelchair coming up and, not only did her fellow students have to carry her up and down stairs to be able to attend school in the BVI, but some teachers refused to teach her because that meant moving their classroom to the 1st floor and they didn’t want that. Culturally we make it like, if you can’t do certain things you’re a non-human or just need to stay home. It needs changing and, maybe I can be part of that, but for now I can bring it to light. Thanks for commenting. ❤ p.s. We need to get together again … when it’s warm though (ain’t nobody here for this cold weather boo)
Nikki
Roshini , there is hope. In Tortola , I see tourist come in wheelchairs and strollers and maneuver about town with some assistance. Additionally, there is a young man who had a scooter accident and lost both legs. Paralyzed from the waist down. He makes his way all over town liming in his wheel chair. He used to use his hands to propel the chair but I guess someone blessed him with a motorized one. He is everywhere in his chair and doesn’t seem obsteucted. I did my stroller at Christmas with both girls by myself at Christmas and going into some stores was hell but I made it. I would take it out again. So I would say bring your wheels when you coming. Make sure you have off road wheels.:)!
glamazini
LOL, yeah it’s doable but not optimal. I was so happy I didn’t bring the stroller when I came home last time and, like I said in the post, getting on and off the boats is so not wheel-anything accessible. At anyrate, I’d have to bring something because this dude is H.E.A.V.Y. … might could try to borrow a stroller from a cousin who has younger children *wink*wink*. Now visiting versus living there is another story *sad face of deep sorrowness* Thanks for commenting. ❤
Bridget
I watch your YouTube videos and been subscribed for a good minute (CharliGirl868). I also follow you on IG & FB. (The random mini pies vlog you talked about…yeah I’m that chic)
I read this and I started feeling some kinda way about my hometown, not that far from where you live, Gary, Indiana. Born and raised and moved away too the south when I was 25 when I married. I’ve been away 21 years and I know I won’t be moving back and it makes me sad. Why? Because the city I knew growing up—the old haunts, my old schools—all, from elementary to high, no longer exist as I knew them.
The city is imploding onto itself. It’s not unlike any other urban metropolitan city today that has fallen victim to the blight and economic woes. Crime & violence is beyond crazy and jobs, try to find a good one.
This isn’t the city I wanted my son to see. I wanted him to see the places I played, where I walked to school, played on the playground, the school I graduated with high honors, where his grandparents took me to shop. The old movie theaters. The must have food staples that you can only get at home in Gary.
I’ve read the stories, talked with friends and family still live and they little hope for improvement. After this past summer’s news topic of the caught serial killer, it showed me that last vestige of my childlike innocence of my home city is totally gone.
I’ll visit when it thaws in the summer to see my aging family members and the friends who still are brave enough to stay and stick it out or they are simply stuck, I salute them….I won’t be moving back home…. not to a place that is just a dead end in more ways than one….but no matter how far I am, this girl here…G.I till I die baby.
Thanks for listening.
glamazini
1. I know who you are (by your email address 🙂 ) hi boo boo!
2. Maaaaaaan, that’s sad 🙁 … but I sideways understand. The VI has changed a lot since I left as well with respect to crime at least, but not enough for me to not consider going home. The downfall is we’re U.S. but so close to other non-U.S. islands that drug smugglers try it and we suffer. Either way, I’ve never been to Gary but your comment broke my heart for you because I know that feeling of knowing that your anchor is no longer secure. *big hugs*
BigTickles
Hi mama! It is interesting how we are more aware of what cities have to offer when we have special needs children . Some states / cities that my hubby and I would love to go would not work for my son because of the lack of accessibility and therapies (good ones) available for my DS. It’s such a shame…
glamazini
It really is. I’m thankful for what is available but heartbroken for what’s not.
Rhonda
Thanks for sharing… It’s sad to know that we are a tourist destination but can’t accommodate persons with disabilities.
glamazini
I think the tourist fare ok … ish. Sorta. I believe that’s because they stay on the “beaten path” and are only there for a few hours to a few days. For us who would be really living in the islands, using the resources, sending out children to the schools etc. we aren’t as fortunate. 🙁