On Perfectionism & an Imperfect Dance

I was raised a perfectionist.

Perfectionists are typically taught to aim for the unattainable goal of PERFECTION &, in doing so, always fall short. We experienced a highly critical environment & internalized that voice to become highly critical of ourselves & others. We procrastinate due to fear of failure or not appearing perfect because somewhere in our past that had real-world consequences.

We set unrealistic goals that no one could meet then beat ourselves & others up for not meeting them.

It’s a mental prison that I continue to get free from.

The fascinating part we think this is normal until we do the work to realize it is not.

I don’t think anyone intended to mentally cripple me into stagnation but looking back from my 40s (get into it lol) the high standards that were required of me did exactly that. There’s an amazing book named The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller that should be named “Roshini + Why She Roshinis” ha! If you’re a recovering (healing) perfectionist I recommend it.

Ok, so about this dance.

I would have never posted this … or filmed it … or done it honestly. It would have lived in my head; an imagined desired of the me I wanted to be, the me I thought I was, but the me that I knew wasn’t perfect so why try? I would have heard the critiques (& laughter) of my dance instructors, my friends, my family, & myself and those inner critiques would have produced lack of action.

Over the years I’d done a lot of work.

Work I’m still doing. Work I share with my coaching clients.

With that work, I’ve gotten past:

🍍 the hesitancy to do it (as you guys see #becausevideos & #shebedancingandstuff )

🍍 the hesitancy to film it (I filmed a silhouette challenge but never posted it … yo gurl got legs )

🍍 and now a hesitancy to post what I see as imperfect (hair’s a mess, shorts “too” short (but hella comfy #thanksAmazon), dance moves not strong, stiffer as the years go on #because40s, not planted into my feet, nervous, shaky, and all the other things my perfectionist’s brain is telling me after I watched this back.

And guess what?

This Roshini is practicing not caring and you’re witnessing the IMPERFECT journey right in front of your very eyes.

I just noticed but the lyrics of this (one of my favorite) songs by one of my FAVORITE artists are so apropos for this post”

“And Annie, I hope things line up for youAll in a row, shiny and newYou can’t keep on living in one small roomWhen you never let anyone in”
@jonathabrooke