A Black Woman Healing 🤎🍍 Glamazini
Black Women Healing,  Heal Your Mind

Living From A Place of Fear

May 10, 2011 / 14 Comments

Edited in 2019 to add:
Someone recently pointed out that they found me because of this post and all I can say is WOW! so much has changed since I first published this.
✨ For starters, I have a coaching community of women aimed at growth on Facebook
✨ I started a group coaching program and it’s getting rave reviews!. 🤸🏾‍♀️
✨ I’m currently a life coach (which you can find out more about here) and reading this post was trĂŠ interesting but it was also written EIGHT years ago so I’d say it’s a testement to the work I’ve done and growth.

I’m grateful. 😁

And now your regularly scheduled post…

I was told last week that I was “living from a place of fear” and trust me, I was taken aback to say the least.  The context is quick: I was in my therapist office near the end of a visit, explaining why I wouldn’t/couldn’t do something (I don’t recall exactly what).  He then retorts matter-o-factly “oh, that’s because you are living from a place of fear”.

 

 

Well dang.

 

Drats. 

 

I pride myself on being “fearless” and “fear free” and liberated and whatever else means I’m sans fear. I even wear a ring that says “Fear Not”.  No really, I do, see:

 

 

Aw drats. 

 

Anyhoo, I then went on to point out that I was wearing said ring and it was not working, mostly in my usual “joke to lighten the mood” way.  My therapist chuckled but the topic still remained.  The mood was not lightened in my head. 

 

I’m not gonna make this too long a post, although I know you all realize I’ve been doing more true “journaling” on my blog of late in my journey toward “life, liberty & the pursuit of nappyness” touted daily in the header.  Liberty huh?  It’s defined as:

 

lib¡er¡ty

[lib-er-tee] –noun, plural -ties.
1. freedom from arbitrary or despotic government or control.

2. freedom from external or foreign rule; independence.
3. freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction,hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking,speaking, etc., according to choice.

 

a. free from captivity or restraint.
b. unemployed; out of work.
c. free to do or be as specified

Honestly I cannot argue with the man’s assessment because I know that there are places of fear that I hold that I can’t even articulate (hence purchasing a ring reminding me not to fear almost 7 years ago).

 

More on this later but in my pursuit of liberty and freedom from bondage I thought I’d share.  I don’t have some big “what I’ve learned” revelation to share just yet … but it’s a process.

 

Thanks for visiting.

Life, Liberty & The Pursuit of Nappyness,

 

Edited to add:

Huge revelation: I don’t want the life I’m living. Now hear me out. I am blessed beyond what I deserve, but I am not where I want to be living my authentic life at this age. I’m just not. There are glimmers of me (as is expected) but otherwise I just meandered down the midwestern river with the rest of the folks into a default life and lately (well longer than lately) I been like “How did I get here? “. The bare truth is I would change somethings in my life in a heartbeat and I’ve been stuck. Why? I realized it’s because I have a “permission-based” psychology. By that I mean it’s almost like I’ve been waiting for someone to give me the ok to make certain changes.  On top of that, I’ve also allowed others to tell me I can’t change certain aspects directly or indirectly and … well … I’ve complied to their commands.

 
wow huh? 

Well you live, you learn, you grow and you can’t “unknow” what you know. Now I know this.  I choose not to beat myself up for allowing it to occur all these years and move forward. Not sure where forward is but I’m moving there. 

 

Or maybe I’ve been watching too much Oprah?   (see there’s that mood-lifting joke again)

Stay tuned. 

Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎

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14 Comments

  • Stephanie
    May 10, 2011 at 9:42 AM Reply

    Thank you for sharing this. I have been feeling the same way lately. I haven’t wanted to admit to being unhappy with where I am in life out of fear of being seen as ungrateful. It has been liberating to admit this to myself and people close to me but now I am even more fearful because I need to start making changes. I want change but I am fearful of the unknown.

  • Mikimu
    May 10, 2011 at 9:55 AM Reply

    I also want to say thank you for sharing such a personal aspect of your life. I read your blog regularly and especially enjoy your “hair musings”. While I do not revel in the fact that you have this issue, I am glad to know that I am not the only one that lives in this place. The fear I have is upsetting people that I love. For this there is a hefty price. I spend so much of my time trying to tip-toe around and spare the feelings of others that I am always miserable. It sounds as easy as “just say what’s on your mind” or “tell people how you feel”, but it’s definitely not that easy for me. I know this about myself and have diligently tried to change this; however, when my mom says something negative or hurtful to me, I shrink up inside myself and just let it pass. I guess over the years, I have adapted. I am at a place now where I am sick and tired of being afraid to let people know how I feel. So forward I go….thanks for the nudge I needed!

    p.s….I know this wasn’t a therapy session, but I appreciate being able to vent this here :0)

  • BTMW
    May 10, 2011 at 2:16 PM Reply

    I am very interested in seeing what more you write about this. After being absolutely miserable with my life for what I realized was almost a decade, I made some big changes last fall. I didn’t know if they would get me exactly where I wanted to go and am still not sure, and sometimes kick myself for “stepping out on faith”. But I am remaining prayerful and connected to that spirit in me that told me I could live a life that was better than miserable. So we’ll see where life ends up…
    Thanks for sharing.

  • BEULUV
    May 10, 2011 at 8:27 PM Reply

    “Not sure where forward is but I’m moving there.” -Glamazini This rang so true with me. And I will be using this. Love it! Thank you so much for sharing!

  • Erica
    May 11, 2011 at 5:22 PM Reply

    Girl, this could be a page from my journal. I totally get where you’re coming from! I appreciate your willingness to share. Know that you have a “sister” in this journey out of fearfulness.

  • 4evame
    May 13, 2011 at 1:46 PM Reply

    Thank you SO much for this!!!

    This right HERE is what got me so emotional:
    “I realized it’s because I have a “permission-based” psychology. By that I mean it’s almost like I’ve been waiting for someone to give me the ok to make certain changes. On top of that, I’ve also allowed others to tell me I can’t change certain aspects directly or indirectly and … well … I’ve complied to their commands.”

    That right THERE is what I have been dealing with, and I have been praying and fighting so hard to get over that hurdle. One day and one step at a time is what I say.
    You are so much my friend in my head, as I’ve told you before, and I’m happy to know you got that revelation. I wish you much more clarity in your journey to….whatever it is you are looking for.
    Big hugs.

  • Angimitch84
    May 18, 2011 at 1:14 PM Reply

    I understand where you are coming from with this post! I have let others who I think have more wisdom guide me thru life. I have realized that although its good to listen to their ideas, ultimately the decision is mine and I pray that God gives me my own wisdom thru my experiences and discern what is best for me. I love your posts! Be blessed thru your journey!

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