The Right Way
So I had this revelation last night that was so simple yet so profound to me.
There is no right way to do things.
What you talkin’ ’bout Ini? 
I got that one while I was putting away the dishes and it’s gonna revolutionize my 2011 just like my friend Jai’s “don’t explain yourself” did for 2009. 
Explanation (lol): I’m a perfectionist, there I said it. 
My therapist said so earlier this year and I laughed him off. Well now I’m ready to admit that I’m that perfectionist that wants things done at a certain 
level and if it’s not done that way then I don’t do it at all. I also have those expectations for people around me and find myself getting frustrated with what I consider low quality efforts (yet somehow envious and in awe of them at the same time because they seem so free 
).
At anyrate all that is for the birds.
I’ve been holding myself (and others) hostage with this ridiculous mentality for 34 years! 
What mentality? That there is 1 right way to do something. 
Even writing that just now it sounds dumb. 
Seriously how controlling and condescending of me even (if I wasn’t intentionally doing it)! BOOOOO!
So last night while I was packing away the dishes this thought that had been congealing all year finally punctuated itself in my mind and spirit and I felt free. I don’t have to have 100% of the things lined up before I start, I can have 80% dare I say even 40% and get the hayle up out the boat and start walking on the water! 
AAAANNNND I don’t have to expect everything to be 100% there from others, I can give them the grace I need as well.
Whew, that thing hit me and it’s gonna revolutionize my life I know it is!
Just me thinking aloud again, thanks for listening (reading) 
Edited to add: & here’s the other kicker…I am only a perfectionist in certain portions of my life and totally not others . I’ll have 10% of that sucka prepped and jump out the boat when it comes to relationships & non-work life experiences, but when it comes to my profession and believing that I have anything anyone would pay for in me THAT’S when the fear of failure comes up (coupled w/ the fear of success) and I freeze up and start trying to dot my Is and cross my Ts so that just in case I get questions I can PROVE that I’m worth it 
… which is really just a lack of confidence and a fear of judgment on my part.
How you like them self-introspective apples 
welp
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
14 Comments
beautifulblakb
hmmm….got me thinking now
Lexi
Guuuuuuurrrrrlllllll!!!!! Wow. Just. Wow. I totally know what you mean and how you felt! I think perfectionists never call themselves perfectionists until they get the slight hint that there is some kind of change needed. I was the same way. I’m a Graphic Designer by day but have always longed to create with my hands. I wanted to get back to drawing and painting and actually creating some of the stuff i had whirling around in my head. I also noticed how so many other people seemed to not have this issue and I would always say to myself “they look so free.” It wasn’t until i realized that their choices were their freedom that i chose. I chose to not wait another day to do the things I had been given the gift to do. It didn’t have to be perfect, but it did have to be done. Every since then i’ve felt that freedom with every step I take 🙂
glamazini
@Lexi —————–>
“their choices were their freedom”
O_O
well well well well well well well
*drops a $20 in the collection plate and passes it to the right*
Machjz
I know exactly where you’re coming from. I am a recovering perfectionist. I still battle it. It’s a mindset and I am faced with it on a daily. Only God can and is showing/teaching me to transform my mind. Teaching me how to line up my thoughts with what He says. Praise God for His grace and mercy.
Kim Wolterman
Well, it is not even the New Year and you have made one heck of a resolution! You are so right, though, that it is unfair of us to put our expectations of what is the “right” way to do things on others. I’m afraid I have done that a lot with my husband and children throughout the years. I am working on it though!
Margaret
I see that a lot of CB’s, or is it just women in general, that have this same issue. I too am guilty of being a perfectionist and getting stuck in needing everything to be just right. Still working on getting past it cause nothing will ever be right just need to get it done. Great post!
Jarmelia- WAHM Town
I think what you are learning is called being compassionate and merciful. I totally agree with this whole post. People make mistakes and don’t always do what WE want. I am with you on this….
Erica
I know you think you’re just thinking out loud but you are really talking to me!
I had a similar conversation with a therapist a while ago. He said, “I think you’re a perfectionist.” And my response was, “That’s ridiculous! I don’t do everything right!” Thereby proving to him and me that I am in fact a perfectionist.
You just articulated my own feelings so beautifully. Thank you! I’m going to try to take your revelation with me going forward.
Tanya
This is one of the most wonderful freedoms we can know: Freedom from the tyranny of self. I have had to take(and still am taking) this journey myself. On another note, I’m so please to hear of so many woman of color (sorry, this is an assumption, but as we’re commenting on Roshini’s blog, I sorta thought I could assume this) who are willing to see a therapist. If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed! 🙂
supra shoes
Wherever Everyone has the life,But not everyone understand life, cherish life. Don’t understand life people, The life to him, it is a kind of punishment. So we must love our life.
Pamela
Girl, that there is a sermon!!
I, too, battle with the “who would want to pay ‘lil ole me” when I KNOW,KNOW,KNOW what I have is a gift from God. I have folks who went to college for what I’m doing seeking me out.
I’m gettin’ outta the daggone boat!!
glamazini
@Machjz ——————–>
Yes praise God for grace & mercy!
@Margaret ————————>
LOL, you think it’s a CB disease huh?
@Jarmelia ——————->
Yes I’m learning that and that I’m not controlling the universe. I’m more peaceful even now 🙂
@Erica —————–>
Uh yes, dude told me that months ago and I was like “uh no” 😐 … *whew help Jesus*
@Tanya ——————–>
I’ve seen more than 1 therapist and I’m gonna talk more about this in the future. I have no shame in my game, when I need council I need council dagnabbit! HA!
@Supra Shoes —————>
O_O these spammers are out of control! HA!
@Pamela ——————->
I’m not there yet on that one, I still struggle with “who would pay for lil ole me” :*( … but I’m working through that by God’s grace!
isunji
Wow… this is sooooooooooooooooo on point for me. My perfectionism holds me back and even paralyzes me time and time again. Looks like the rest of 2013 is time to start letting that mess go and get free! Thank you for putting it into words for me. 🙂
glamazini
You are welcome. 🙂