I am Contemplating Sending My Son to Preschool & I am Afraid
I started this post last week but had to rethink it after the death of Avonte rattled me a bit (a bunch). Avonte Oquendo, an autistic 14 year old who went missing from his school late last year, was found in the Queens river last week. My heart still grieves for his family. Needless to say I went from nervous to mildly terrified, but this is part of our lives as mothers who choose not to homeschool so I press.
I posed the question to my fam on my IamGlamazini YouTube channel (click here to subscribe), and now I’d love to hear from my Glam Fam here on the blog.
I can’t say I’m a pro at this mothering thing just yet, even with 19 months under my belt. I do know this, I’m not stay-at-home mom material one bit. I’ve done it for the past year and a half out of necessity not desire.
During the 20th week of my first ever pregnancy I got the news that I was having a son *YAY* and he would be born with Spina Bifida *boooooo* & that he may not live beyond 3 days due to a bunch of other professions that did not happen (thank you God). Obviously that experience knocked the wind out of me to put it lightly, but I eventually picked myself up, brushed myself off, endured, and now here we are 2 years later with an opinionated 19 month old and a desire for him to get more mental stimulation than I can provide at home.
Wait, let’s rewind for a sec.
I had been working in Corporate America for 15 years when I got the news about my son on February 14, 2012. Probably because of the shock, I was not too upset when a few days later my boss told me that my contract would be ending a month earlier than planned. I spent the remaining 18 weeks of my pregnancy having tests done, praying, and trying to stay as healthy as possible.
When my son was born I was onto the next phase of this crazy tornadoesque experience that I call motherhood. This phase consisted of 5 weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) while I was so post-op swollen from an unwanted C-section that I was in a wheelchair for 4 of those 5 weeks. It was not easy. As an aside, I plan on posting a video finally telling my birth story on February 14th of this year so stay tuned.
Once the NICU season was done, we brought home a 6-week old little boy with multiple wounds from multiple surgeries. One of those wounds, his actual closure of his spine and back, was still open and would take then next 3 months to heal entirely. I stayed at home during that season because, well, I had an my first every infant with an OPEN wound during the winter … who WOULDN’T stay home? *shrug*
Finally around Thanksgiving of 2012 I ventured out … of town … with family, but even then I was (and still remain) pretty limited in my outings with my son.
At this point my son’s personality is really blooming, he’s been getting in-home therapies for most of his life and making good progress, and we think he needs more stimulation than I can possibly give. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I too need some time away from the whole all-day-every-day-mom thing but that’s a whole other blog post.
So I’m sure you can see that after everything I just shared with you all why I’m like “I’m supposed to just hand my kid to strangers?!”
I know everyone else does it but how? How do ya’ll mothers do this so casually and nonchalant like? I am fully aware that I will have to send him somewhere some day, but after 19 months of taking care of his needs I have to admit that I’m in a small panic. My YouTube fam gave me some great advice. I’m trying to look at it like “I let strangers in the NICU care for him, other’s are capable of taking care of my son” but I’d still love to hear from you in the comments below. I know first time moms of typical and special needs kids get my gist on the mild panic right?
Right?
Oh, here I am explaining this very thing via video:
or Click here to watch it on YouTube.
My husband and I toured a potential inclusive school for him recently so hit me:
Any advice for a nervous 1st-time mom about sending her son to preschool?
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
6 Comments
BigTickles
We enrolled my son in preschool at 18 months. My husband knew that it was not in my spirit to drop him off on his first day of school. I would have probably passed out on the floor and he would’ve had to carry me out. I even had panic attacks the first week because of my anxiety. After two weeks, the hubby decided that “I”, yes “I”, was not ready so we converted my son to ½ days for 2 months. I knew my son was ready for full days when I came to pick him up one day and he asked to stay…sigh…
From my experience, I would say see if you can find a ½ day program at first. We eventually moved him to Easter Seals and the program was 8:45 – 11:15am and he grew tremendously. When he turned 3, he was able to get into our schools district’s special needs inclusive preschool which had the same hours, but all special needs children were transported by bus. That was a major move because it helped the parents separate before getting on the school grounds and the children were just as excited. He thought he was a big boy; and there were only about 6 – 8 children per bus. The bus drivers were AWESOME…specially trained.
I was then able to fill up his time with on-site therapies vs. in-home. The speech center offered 2 hour social classes in the hospital once a week. Once he graduated from that program, he went to a half-day speech program. He also had on-site OT that included 6 to 8 children in his class. He was able to get socialization in many areas. Yes, I had to wait in the vicinity of his classes but I was able to bond with the parents and even get some workout time walking around the building. I would go to the café to watch videos or read books. It really refreshed me.
So no, I did not hand my son over willy nilly. The hubby knew that was not my ministry; so he took them to school and made me a video. We also checked the inspection records of each facility we were considering through our state’s Department of Job and Family Services’ site. That narrowed down the field quite a bit.
Start out small to see how it goes if the anxiety is too much. See if he can get any of his therapies in a group setting. Consider a ½ day program at first. It will allow you to see if the facility is a good match for your needs. It is all trial and error. My son will be 8 this year and we are starting a new therapy (I just found out about it and he could’ve been in it for years); we (parents) will never be pros. I am still learning things from my parents. The only thing the hubby and I do is pray every night for guidance in hopes that we don’t screw our sons up too bad! (That’s being real!) As soon as we realize that we will never be perfect, we will make mistakes, stop comparing ourselves to other parents (BIG ONE!!!), I “think” it gets easier.
You will be okay momma. Everyone goes through it 😉
P.S. Ask your therapists for any school recommendations, they usually know of facilities that might not be on the radar.
glamazini
Thanks for commenting, it was very helpful. The school we toured is what his therapists recommended. Kids must be full day until 2, then they offer partial day schedules. We liked it, I’m just nervous. Great suggestions.
Barbara
I am not a stay at home mom either, fortunately for me I didn’t have to worry about sending my child to a preschool, until she was three…Then even though my husband and I spoke with the principal and thought we made the right choice, I was hesitant to leave her the first day…so I went to visit her at lunch time. It gets easier as time goes by. No, my child is not a special needs child, but she is my only child and I want what’s best for her. If I could, I would stay at home with her now..but that’s not me. I need stimulation as much as she does.
glamazini
Right. Both of us need outside stimulation so this move needs to happen. Thanks for commenting.
Linda
I am a mom of one and she is not special needs. You are an awesome mother and of course it is “normal” to be in protective mode when you child starts school. My husband and I toured the school we even did pop up visits before our daughter started. After our first tour she was able to sit in the classroom and interact with the other students and teacher. The very first day of school I cried and looked at my cell every five minutes to see if the school was calling. The second day I even called the school to check on her. They were excellent about me calling. After a lot of prayer and worry the first week it did get better and I grew comfortable when my baby going to school and being away from home.
glamazini
Thanks for commenting. My son did have a few moments to interact with the kids in the classroom where he would be, and he did “make a friend” lol.