Guilty Until Proven
Ugh … I had the most ANNOYING eBay experience last week. Like to hear it? Here it go:
I sold an item on eBay and was accused of selling a fake.
It’s a long story, and I won’t go into details because it ultimately has nothing to do with this post. It did, however, get me thinking about why the buyer’s initial assumption was one of negative intent on the part of me, the seller.
People seem to be on edge nowadays, almost paranoid, assuming the worst of people before asking any questions. I got the most verbose, lippy, tirades from this buyer, going on and on and on about my supposed purposeful intent to dupe them. The way they went on I question their upbringing (HA! I’m joking … not really). I totally get it: their feeling of being inconvenienced and their concern about being out their money … but seriously, it. don’t. take. all. that. 
As you all can imagine, I first attempted to understand what they were saying (which is hard to do when a person is carry on like so) and then to diffuse the situation with humor (which I believe I did to a point by telling them the transaction was “fraught with peril” *heh*). Ultimately I had to give them over to the Lord (and by the Lord I mean the eBay Resolution Center) and let them handle it. Now that eBay decided what I offered in the 1st place (I told them I was not being unreasonable but who don’t hear gon’ feel #kanyeshrug) I just have to wait for the whole thing to blow over (as in send it back and I’ll give you all your money back if you promise to go far away and zip it sheesh).
But here’s my questions amidst the usual Roshini rambling:
Do you give people the benefit of the doubt, or do you assume they are guilty before you even ask the first question?
My heart breaks for human interaction and communication nowadays. People seem on edge, snippy, short-tempered. Maybe it’s the economy and lack of jobs, maybe it’s the heat and weather, maybe it’s this instant-gratification-I-come-first culture, maybe it’s the disintegration of the family, maybe it’s the lack of fiber in the standard American diet … I don’t know … but GOOD.flippin. NESS. 
So do tell,
when you feel wronged, are people innocent until proven guilty or guilty out the gate?
Edited to add this video shared by Chi Chi Anyanwu in the comments. Thanks 
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
21 Comments
MELISASource
It is not just you and you were not in the wrong: unfortunately Ebay has become more of a community for “scam buyers” than it’s initial purpose of giving people a place online to simply sell and purchase items honestly. Something similar happened to me recently with Ebay and, although I successfully proved to Ebay that the buyer was a repeat scammer via the activity on their account, they still sided with them. It was at that point I decided to seek out other possibilities for online selling and to cease my association with Ebay. I completely understand your feelings.
Neodaughter
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, sadly my first assumption is always the right one, I just feel guilty in assuming the worst in people.
I think that I lot of people have been wronged in the past and now they assume that everyone is going to be like that. And of course, I believe that if you have the energy of negativity you’re going to constantly attract negative people.
But, negative people can also be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes a negative experience will happen to show you how far you’ve come. Then again, some people just like causing other people grief. o_0
Chi Chi Anyanwu
I believe you hit the nail on the head by saying people are ON EDGE nowadays. I watched this video and I think it documents this point exactly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfwwHa-7Ux8&feature=player_embedded
But to answer your question, and this is not the easiest thing to admit, I’ve done it myself! Been convicted about it, apologized for it, but nevertheless, I have done it. In retrospect, the last time I did something like that, I was tired, on edge, and probably hungry. But there was no excuse.
glamazini
I’ve never had a negative experience with eBay as a seller, this is the 1st. I’ve had a few bad ones as a buyer but 99% of the time it’s all good in the hood. This person seemed to assume the worst first and start gettin on bad LOL! I couldn’t deal with them ’cause I had a busy week at work so I just gave it over to eBay and they worked it out.
glamazini
“I think that I lot of people have been wronged in the past and now they assume that everyone is going to be like that.”
That right there is the RUT (root) of the issue.
Seriously, how can life ever give you good if you already have on your boxing gloves ready to BEAT DOWN the bad you just KNOW is coming. And here’s another question (not directed at you but just in general), if you got your gloves on ready to FIGHT and the other party does not then, by definition, aren’t you the very thing you’re trying to protect yourself against? *deep thoughts* I get life is hard. I get it sucks. I get it’s a b***h and then you die and it goes on long after the thrill of living is gone … but still … you get what you expect so I say expect good 1st and you’ll get more of it.
Checks can be made payable to Glamazini.com LOL
*drops mic*
glamazini
I can’t watch the video until later.
“But to answer your question, and this is not the easiest thing to admit, I’ve done it myself! Been convicted about it, apologized for it,”
That right there is huge of you and I commend your humility. I’m not saying I’m perfect either, I got a tongue of FIRE on me (Virgin Islands baby) that can peel your skin off and leave you for dead … but over the years I have learned I get from life what I expect from life. I’m not 100% in control, things happen that I have nothing to do with, but I can steer my life in the direction I hope and let God do the rest.
Jc
Going against the current here, when I purchase on ebay or Amazon , I treat it in the same way if not more strict than I would do a normal shop. I want whatever is being sold to be accurately described and delivered as atated. If the seller fails to do so then yes I would call them guilty.
I do not give a seller any more trust than I would an ordinary shop. For example if I bought an item in a shop, went home and discovered that I had the right box but the wrong product in it, I would go back and demand – yes demand- a correct product or my money back.
I feel that ebay and Amazon sellers do have to be on the ball much more only because the buyer is trusting without seeing the goods that they are what the seller says they are. It is distance selling.
So contrary to thinking that people are on the edge, I actually think that customer service has taken a back seat and sellers do need to be more willing to meet a customer’s demands including offering a refund including delivery charge immediately when a complaint is lodged even if it means losing money.
So yes followed your blog for a long time and I would not think your intent would be to defraud anyone but as a buyer, I do not trust any sellers outright or think of their intentions. I only think that I want my money or my product.
glamazini
Point taken, however I must point out that I have no proof that the item is not as described besides the buyer’s messages (I have the item back in my possession now). I didn’t offer a refund because I believed them, I offered a refund because they were upset and LOUD and they still went on all kinda ways. Not necessary.
Kandy2045
Unfortunately, we as a people, have not only come to expect the worst from our experiences but also a lot of us have been reared to look for the worst in people. Then combine that with the paranoia this economy brings and you have a perfect storm of grief. We have to learn that when we choose our responses well we gain more control of our results.
Kandy2045
Not reflecting on you but on your distraught consumer.
glamazini
“when we choose our responses well we gain more control of our results.”
Wow. That’s good stuff.
BeauGorgeousNatural
Hey Sis. This was a awesome video and explained alot of what people do. Its really ashame ;-( I bet if that person was subscribed to Roshini and knew it was her they brought the item from, they probably would change their whole outlook of the situtation from knowing her through youtube. I think people forget that others may feel the same way you feel but have to remember to be patient and it will all work out eventually…Thanx for posting that video love.
BeauGorgeousNatural
Hi Roshini! I believe people forget that their is a person just like them who has feelings. And they feel like because they can not be seen, they become this “INTERNET THUG” thrashing at everyone! I know the internet can be a mystery and one has to be careful but this situation was beyond kindness and respect. It sounded as if, you were their “Diary” and words of any sort had to hit your”COntact Seller box”. Having a issue with a seller who doesn’t respond or cooperate is one thing but talking to a person with no respect(written or verbal) when they do not know what they did is another. I have been done wronged and because of this, people like me begin to feel the worst or assume bad when it happens to you. Although, if a person has innocence of my assumptions, I will and have apologized and requested my forgiveness. Thanx for sharing Roshini;-)
The Cubicle Chick
I am really skeptical when it comes to buying things on eBay. I have been burned twice before so I tend to not purchase anything over $50 on the site unless I know the buyer or have bought from them before. I have a 100% rating on eBay, but I’ve only sold a few things—I am usually the buyer and I always pay up front. Anyway, I say all of this to say that on eBay, I o_O everything, and I usually don’t buy it if it sounds too good to be true. Now, I am not sure if this post is about those Beats by Dre’s you were selling, but if they are and you don’t have a buyer, my son wants them.
So with that being said….HOLLA!
glamazini
Thanks for commenting! I get why they would be upset seeing what they believed, it just made it hard to deal with/communicate with them because of the WAY they were going on.
glamazini
LOL! The post IS about the Beats by Dres that I was selling for a family member who bought them, changed his mind, and bought a different model for himself. I’ll see what they say and report back.
glamazini
That video is PERFECT! I added it to the end of the post, thanks for sharing it 🙂
Trinita McCormick
I try to give a person the benefit of the doubt first. I don’t like to make assumptions because I hate being the one who reacts and then has to take my comments back. I also check to make sure I’m not partially or fully at fault (didn’t read the fine print or details). Then I ask relevent questions before accusing others. Even then I try to be respectful and tactful in my comments. My mom always taught that you catch more flys with honey than you do with vinegar. 🙂
http://www.naturallynita.blogspot.com
Theorist
I think the anonymity of contexts like ebay/blogs can somtimes enables folks to behave badly.
In face to face contexts I think this is pretty common but I am most disappointed when it involves interactions with so called friends and family members.
That said, I have been burned by so called friends and family members who wanted me to fail, or mess up. Literally setting traps for me while I am work HARD to HELP THEM PER THEIR REQUEST. It took me some time to get the lesson (thank you Lord!) but when I got it we ALL got the lesson.
“The jail you planned for me is the one you’re gonna rot in”.
Celie, The Color Purple
Just saying.
glamazini
“I think the anonymity of contexts like ebay/blogs can somtimes enables folks to behave badly.” Agreed. Thanks for sharing!
Chi Chi
You’re welcome! It was floating around Facebook the day before you posted this story, perfect timing!