Do Your Friendships Matter That Much?
Friends, how many of us have them? How many of us care?
The other day I was pondering friendships in general. I have a lot … of friends … and I love having them. They are like family to me here in the states so far away from any blood relative (not counting the newly born dude). I’m definitely a “friend person” if there is such a thing, and I do differentiate between friends and acquaintances. Then I remembered being told as a child that friends would be the death of me. Obviously that person was not a “friend person”, and over the years I must admit to many a heartaches due to my habit of going head-first-deep in a friendship … but in the end I wouldn’t change a thing and have learned so much from the relationships I get to choose.
Examples: the best of times | the worst of times
As usual, I’ll throw the questions at you all:
Do your friendships matter to you? If so, how much? If not, why not?
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
15 Comments
BigTickles
Yes they matter to me; I don’t collect them and I can count them on one hand. (Hey, I am introverted!) I believe you can outgrow certain friendships as well. It doesn’t mean the relationship was bad, but life puts you in different stages / places. Momma always said – “people are in your life for a reason or a season.”
glamazini
I’ve grown into the idea of outgrowing friends over the years. I believe it’s a part of maturity to realize that everyone isn’t gonna be your super close friend for the duration of your days.
Sue
I was told the same thing growing up–friends can lead you astray! To this day, those words put a chill in me, human beings can really disappoint you! However, friends do matter to me, though I have just a few. I also moved far from home and somewhat of an introvert. That last fact has also meant that as much as I have relied on friends, I have also had to learn more independence. Sometimes, all you have is yourself–which can be good or bad depending on the situation.
I think the friendships that last are those that evolve through life’s different stages. I think this is especially true for male-female friendships. I know some people believe there is no such thing, that could be another interesting discussion :).
Sometimes, you also have friends you kinda lose touch with, but when you do reconnect, it’s like no time went by.
glamazini
I have friendships that have weathered the test of time (just got off the phone with one of them actually). i totally understand what you mean when you say you can lose touch but then reconnect like no time went by. I’ve also made friends quickly, who I meet and we feel like we’ve always known each other.
Lele
I have only one non-family friend, and my sister and cousin are my best friends. Friendships mean a lot to me. I never have a ton of friends, and that is fine by me because I form close friendships instead of a bunch of distant relationships. I am a quiet person and I do not get close to a lot of people so I value the ones I do have. I find that the older I get, the harder it is to make new friends, and so many have faded into the abyss (especially after I got married & had kids).
glamazini
Wow, 1 non-family friend? You must live near your family then huh? I definitely think it’s harder to make friends as I get older BUT then I also think I’m better at it because I’m more mature and know what I do and don’t want in my life.
Lele
Yes, basically ALL of my family lives in the same city or within 25 miles of me. I’m super close to the people I mentioned, and I also have a big brother, 12 female cousins and 8 male cousins.
glamazini
Wow. I definitely have a different scenario as all of my family is at minimum 1k – 2k miles away 🙁
TyaD
I absolutely, positively love my friends so much! I have learned how deeply a treasured friend can hurt you or enhance your life so much. I’m so thankful for my friends – both male and female. As a single person, it’s so important to have those in your life that lift you up and make life more joyful for you. Love (no matter what form between a mate, child, man/woman/parent) is a beautiful thing! My friends are awesome and I can never have too many.
glamazini
My therapist once said “relationships are messy” & he was right.
TyaD
It is definitely harder to make friends as you get older. I find that a lot of people are very ‘set’ in their close relationships, almost ‘clickish.’ BUT I have always been an introvert. I have associates and several close friends. I have learned to never put all my eggs in one basket because different friends bring different things to the table. I never want to feel like I have to rely on one friend – I have friends that I go out with, friends I vacation with, friends I talk to on the phone at least weekly, friends I watch movies & bake cookies with, etc. I am single and don’t know what I’d do without my friends…(Proverbs 17:17)
glamazini
I LOL’d @ “cliquish” because I’ve been called “cliquish” before. To me it’s more of just (like you said) already having a set group of friends due to time spent together. Either way, I get your point and agree. It’s more challenging to make friends as you age because people are set in their ways, already have friends, already have families, have been hurt etc. etc.
TyaD
Oooops I meant to say extrovert!
Michelle Culbreth
When needed friends are more useful in sticky situations than family. I’m only 22 and my 5 main chicas get along beautifully. Of course I have true friends outside our group. Of course we lead our own lives and aren’t “stuck” on eachother like I’ve seen other besties. Since graduating high school I haven’t met anyone other than mi novio that is sincerely my best friend, which used to worry me since I’m friendly but yet have made no new close friends. But reading some other posts I see its harder to make friends like the ones I have now.
But as far as my fav five are concerned I will befriend them and defend them like I would one of my siblings.
I don’t like the going “head-in-deep” attitude on friends because I’ve seen plenty of back-stabbing victims. I’ve been careful of folks that seem too eager to be close friends (especially of the ones that chage “best friends” as quickly as they change their sheets). Doesn’t seem genuine to me, even if it feels so in the beginning.
glamazini
I love “befriend and defend” :).