Confession: I’m a Stay At Home Mom and I’m Lonely
Inspired by Danielle’s post yesterday over at OKDani.com I changed the name of this blog post. I like the idea of it being a confession.
For the past few months I’ve been feeling strange … like “what’s going on” strange. The feeling is very different than anything I’ve experienced in my 40+ years on this planet, and after some introspection (and outrospection if that’s even a word) I realized what this strange unfamiliar feeling actually is.
I’m lonely y’all.
It’s a weird thing for me to admit much less type and tell the internet, but here I am, a stay-at-home mother of 4 years and primary caretaker to a son with spina bifida and for the first time in my life I must admit I am very lonely.
And it sucks.
So I looked up the word ‘lonely’ (’cause that’s what you do when you’re penning a blog post huh?) and it says
lonely
[lohn-lee]
adjective
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.
Yeah, pretty much alladat (lol but seriously).
I’ve always prided myself on my relationships and ability to make them so I think that’s why this new season feels even more strange and concerning. After some thought I pinned down why I believe I feel so isolated and and where the feeling is coming from.
- Clearly being a stay-at-home mom and spending the majority of my time with a child with verbal delays is the primary reason.
- It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety in my neighborhood #stereotypesofablackgirlmisunderstood so basically stay indoors.
- I don’t see my friends on a consistent basis much any more.
A friend of 20+ years stayed the night at my house during a cross-country road trip and her doing so reminded me of how wonderful the feeling of knowing someone well and conversation just flowing really is. If I’m being honest I do wonder if at age 40 + rarely leaving my house beyond running errands and taking my son to therapy appointments lends itself to eventually developing any new relationships. Maybe, maybe not.
I’m typing this post because it’s therapeutic and I think it will help someone reading it who feels the same but is afraid to tell anyone. I have a couple large trips coming up next month that are taking my mind off this feeling a bit, at least for now. I’m also trying to make changes, like yesterday I went to breakfast with a friend and we’re trying to put in on the calendar on a repeated basis. I may just do that with a few other people so I have something to look forward to and a reason to leave the house besides a hospital visit, groceries, or a physical therapy appointment. I’ve also started taking walks around my neighborhood and not taking off my bandana when I go get the mail or trash can from the curb because my edges are being laid and my neighbors will have to learn and deal. #blackgirlproblems
So what is your confession?
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Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
9 Comments
Vanessa
I am not a single mom but have 3 kids by marriage and 2 of them came to visit for the summer and I am reminded of my loneliness and struggles with isolation. I work from home and a few times out of the week I leave home to assess and provide services to the clients on my caseload. My boys are amazing! They are talkative, bold, brave and curious boys and at 1st I was annoyed by them and the chatter but as the days went by I noticed that I started to liven up and looked forward to our drives to and from camp, our dinners at the table and just bonding times. I knew I was lonely but I didn’t know how serious it was. I thank God for them and now plan to intentionally have conversations with friends and family. I’m also going to bring this up to my husband who speaks all day and struggle to talk to me when he gets home. I also plan to get out the house 2 times a week and ‘do something’ with my husband or not. Thank you for our honesty and yes you have helped someone…me
Milton Garcia
I’m so sorry you’re feeling.. I hope you feel happy soon..
glamazini
Thank you.
BigTickles
I, too, am a stay at home mommy and primary caretaker of my special needs son. He will be 10 next month. That has been 11 years since being away from the work force, away from social functions, away from my friends and sometimes family, just away from society in general. I have done this mainly to shield my son from unwanted “advice”. I also have a “go off” spirit and I am trying to just maintain my sanity (cue the Jonathan McReynolds song “Maintain”)!
We are now going to try to reintroduce my son back into the school environment this year. it will be different because once he is successfully transitioned, I will have to “find myself’ again.
glamazini
Wow but I’m understanding. Z is in school so, as he grows and the time in class grows, I’m getting more time to myself and attempting now to reach out to people outside this house. Whew.
Tia
This is so me… It doesn’t help that I prefer meaningful close one in one interactions over having a large group of mere acquaintances. Introversion can be a huge pain sometimes. So Ican feel alone in a room full of people. It sucks.
glamazini
Thanks for commenting Tia. You know what’s even stranger, I’m not an introvert. Well, I’m an extrovert who loves her alone time lol. Either way, this new season of SAHMness has brought new challenges. You are not alone. <3
Ebony
Why does this post look exactly like how I am and how I have been feeling about my life these past 2 years?
The loneliness is REAL! It’s hard to socialize when my mental, financial, and transportation struggles are in the way. I lost my job 2 years because of car issues. I loved that job and I worked with so many great people. Both my best friends don’t live close. In fact, one of them is about 28 to 30 miles away. 😣 Did I mention that I don’t have a car?
My son goes to preschool only 4 hours a day 4 days a week. Therfore, I don’t get much time to do things outside the home. Next year I’m considering homeschooling food various reasons. So, there really won’t be any time to myself.
Motherhood can get really lonely.
glamazini
I totally understand. My son is 5 days for 4 hours now, used to be 4 for 4. Do you have any access to transportation? Maybe you can schedule something once every 2 weeks? When I had to drop my son off and pick him off I only had 2 hours but we started using the bus and now I have FOUR SOLID HOURS to myself every day GLOOORAAAYY!!!!