Burn The Ships – What If Plan A Was The Only Plan?
“Burn the ships.” said my therapist.
“Huh? What does that mean?” I replied.
“It means you have no plan B to keep falling back on, you eliminate your exit strategy and make your plan A work.” he replied.
“Oh” I said, heart starting to beat faster for some reason. ”
“When are you gonna burn the ships?”. I just
I just stared because I could not respond.
This discourse (or a similar one) happened during a session with my therapist over a year ago. He often said the phrase “burn the ships” during my sessions. I haven’t been to my therapist for over six months now (and I miss going something fierce), but I still hear his voice saying things to me; one of which is “When will you burn the ships?”.
*BIG OLE SIGH*
The other day curiosity got the best of me and I looked up the phrase “burn the ships” and learned that it is a reference to Spanish explorer Hernando Cortez and the unprecedented action he took when coming to the new world. Legend has it that he arrived with 500 men on 11 ships, then, after arriving told the men to burn the ships they came on because if they wanted to leave they would HAVE to win and take their adversary’s ships. This motivated the men to win against the Aztec Empire when all others had failed for hundreds of years, due in part to the fact that they had no other option: it was win or die. Urban legend or not, the tale has motivated many for years.
Before I get ahead of myself, let me share what topic my therapist was referencing: my day job. I graduated from university in 1997 with a degree in business and have worked for the past 15 years in Corporate America, generally in information technology (although technically now I’m in Marketing).
I don’t like my field of work.
Not only that, I would not have gotten the degree I got from college if I felt at the time it was my choice. I did what others directed me to do, got a degree I was directed to get, and have worked for almost 1/2 my life doing the type of job I was directed to do.
That my friends is the awful truth.
Don’t get me wrong now, I’m good at my job (hence the continuity of my career and ability to be hired for positions in my field), I just don’t care for it and am bored beyond tears. I haven’t felt challenged or delighted in this field for longer than I can remember.
So, as you can imagine, my therapist was asking when I’m going to stop cycling back into a career that drains my will to live just because it’s easy to do. I couldn’t respond to him back then, and don’t know if I can right now … but I do know that I’m closer to a response today than I was when he 1st asked me. At the time I remember clearly thinking “I can’t do that” and what I meant by “can’t” is “they won’t let me”. The “they” included all the people who in my past, and present, have advised me to stay the course, even to my psychological detriment, because it’s a “good job” and “I need to be level headed” and “[insert be-stable endorsement here]”. Amazing how I have such a permission-based thought process in this area huh? More on that at another time. I totally get where they are coming from and I’ve followed their advice for decades now. As a 35-year-old adult with a baby on the way, bills have to be paid and responsibilities met … but as I sit here now I realize a lot of things that I did not clearly look at before:
- I have been getting the same advice way before any major adult responsibilities kicked in
- All the stay-the-course advisers are desk-bound, generally to office jobs
- The majority say they will “start a business one day”
- The majority are well off by society’s standards {meaning, prestigious office job, nice cars, nice clothes, self-sufficient etc.} yet grumble about their jobs
- I do not gravitate toward any of these adviser’s lives as a goal for myself
- Every non-ordinary-life-liver has encouraged me to “burn the ships”
Interesting huh?
To add to the discussion, I just found out this past Monday that my contract at this job will not be renewed past February. I started this contract in March of 2010 and it was to be for 2 months. Two years later, here I sit. I am ok with it, but not sure where the money will come from that this contract provided. At this point, all my stay-the-course advisers have told me to go get another office job immediately. Conversely, my burn-the-shippers have told me to hustle on my blog, vlog, and through other venues that interest me because they know I can do it even if I’m not making the same amount as I previously was.
Interesting huh?
As an aside, why is success in our culture measured by money? That’s a different topic for a different day.
Now the question is, what will I ultimately do? *sigh*
Am I strong enough at this point (sans therapy, hormonal, and surrounded by panicked stay-the-coursers) to hustle and make it work, when so often I’ve tried to do just that and have come up short, having to then go back to my ship (which I never burned by the way). The thing I notice about trying and failing around stay-the-coursers is that they sure let you know about it don’t they? I actually had someone say to me yesterday “If you were gonna do all that, why hasn’t it happened already?!”. Not only that, I notice that they tend to readily share their own stories of fear and failure that were remedied when they came to their senses and got back on the course.
I don’t know the answer to the question of my strength honestly, but I appreciate all the prayers you all can muster, ESPECIALLY if you are in the burn-the-ship dreamer that believes, even after multiple failures that anything is possible. I could really use hearing that someone believes in me over the cacophony of naysayers.
“The environment that creates winners is almost always made up of winners.”
~ Barbara Sher, Wishcraft
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini 🤎✨🤎
45 Comments
Vee
Thank you for sharing. I happen to be a stay the courser myself and I enjoy my career choice and the company I work for. But I support others who want to burn the ship. My thought is as long as the burned ship doesn’t make you homeless or go hungry then give it a go. I have a brother who is a musician and my mother up to this morning was going on a rant about how he needs another job because of this reason or the next. I happen to think that this is the time in his life that he should pursue his dream (funny enough his dad pursued the same dream and is still living it, so not sure why my mum is poo pooing on this). Go for it girl. Do what you what makes you happy.
glamazini
I think if I “enjoy[ed] my career choice” it would make a HUGE difference indeed. I believe with all my heart that if my brother and I went the way we were designed he would be a musician and I would be an artist. Not the case for either of us and it saddens me.
hsiek
If u never step out on faith & your passion, you’ll continue this unhappy “career” cycle. Who cares if its not the “level-headed” thing to do! I say live your dreams. I have some matches or a lighter, ya know, whenever you’re ready. 🙂
I live by these mantras; You only live once…& life is not a dress rehearsal.
glamazini
LOL on the matches and the lighter! Thanks for the encouraging words 🙂
Meika
I say that this the perfect opportunity to think about what you love to do. I really believe that God is setting you up for something big and new. How ironic is it that you are pregnant and are transitioning in your career field? Girl this is your time to live your dreams…seek God and He will guide you…praying for you and love you…stay blessed for you are a blessing! 🙂
glamazini
I have to get real with myself and start believing that I can actually do what I love. I have a huge issue with that, which I plan to chronicle more transparently online because I believe it will help others as it helps me. Thanks for the prayers, I genuinely appreciate it!
Lexi
I soooo know this feeling! Over the years i’ve come in contact with this type of situation multiple times, but in my case I think it was me getting “comfortable” in environments I didn’t actually enjoy but for fear of change stayed in until God made me move. I hate change, so much so that I’ll get depressed. Perfect example, I moved to a new town when I graduated college. I WANTED to move to this place but found myself crying one day all because I couldn’t figure out where I wanted to grocery shop. yeah. groceries. The change just got to me. But let me share with you a few things that I’ve learned….i hope it helps…
1. God will tell you where to go. He’ll nudge you, bugg you, and lay on your situation till you either A. give in or B.the situation falls apart. Perfect example: I’m a designer, i design websites, print, etc. I was freelancing at a place where the very first day I said to myself “I won’t be here long, ew, i don’t like it here” Next thing i knew, i was there for 5 months from a 2 week job. I didn’t like the work, i was good at it, but i just didn’t get all gun-ho about it. As time passed, i continued to ignore my ho-hum-ness and didn’t pursue any other positions, heck, after a while, i began to want to just stay there and work, because at least there, i knew people, i had a job and could get used to the routine. Then one day I was told that I had been a great help and that my last day would be the next day. Though I knew it was coming one day, I had no idea that it would be THAT day. I wasn’t happy about it, but i wasn’t distraught….i had this feeling that there was somewhere else I had to be. This leads me to my next observation…
2.When you step out or are stepped out, God knows your heart, knows your worries, and will give you what you need. Lemme tell you, by the time I had gotten home and walking from the train, all that, “There is somewhere I just KNOW i gotta be” faded out the window and I was on some, “How in thee heck am I gonna do this?!, how am i gonna do that?!” Whenever I start freaking out, a song always comes to me. In that moment I heard that song by Tye Tribett called Look up. I took it literally. I looked up. The sun was setting, the sky was all kinds of beautiful colors and an airplane flew over and I heard “I am the pilot, you are the passenger, it is my job to get you safely where you need to be” I smiled and as I turned to open the door to my building a super small feather….like the kind that is on the underside of a birds wing?…i don’t know how to explain it, but it’s just the smallest thing….a super small feather softly fell right in front of my face and I caught it and God reminded me that, “The birds who fly, will testify, He will supply your needs.”
3. When you go, go in faith. I’d like to say that that day held me up until my next opportunity came, but i’d me lying. I don’t know about others, but sometimes, my “spiritual memory” gets amnesia. I was out of work, didn’t know what to do and felt like I was loosing my mind! LOL It had been 6 months, no job, and bi-weekly calls to the unemployment line to collect what I had previously earned felt humiliating. oooooooooh, i swear i didn’t want to file for unemployment, for me, it felt like i was giving up. Anyway, one day I was feeling low, depressed, and angry because I felt that God had forgotten about me. I listened to my gospel music as a way to encourage myself, but it only made me angrier and angrier. Out of that anger I hit a book so hard that I busted my hand. Yeah, i was callin’ Jeezus after that! A few days later, I decided to get specific with God and asked him for what I wanted……specifically. I decided to have faith and believe what he said to me in the beginning of this journey. About a week later I got a call from a company I didn’t remember applying to to come in for an interview. The interview process was long (about a month) and I didn’t think that I was as qualified as others but I ended up getting the job, and it was specifically what I asked for to a T and some.
I don’t think i’ve ever shared that story with anyone…it makes me smile when I think about it….I hope it gave you some kind of life 😉 Oh, and to this day I still have that feather in a picture frame. I should send you a picture!
glamazini
“until God made me move”
Woooooo chile! If you only knew! God KEEPS MOVING ME and I keep going back *SIGH*. My issue is I never learned to believe that what I WANTED to do was a viable choice, and not I’m more comfortable with what I know than what I want because I know what I know can make me $ but I have no strong proof of the other.
1. God has nudged me so many times that I’m embarassed to say so. The situation you described has actually happened to me more than once as well 🙁
2. That is amazing.
I’m so happy that happened to you and I pray God continues to bless you. Thanks for sharing your story!
Cherry
Thank you…as I sit here trying to type this throughout the tears. Thank you for these words of encouragement…encouragement to step out in faith and trust God. I’ve been at a job where I have been unhappy for over the last year. Over the last couple of months things have been said, promises made but nothing has come to fruition. I give my best everyday in hopes that this or that will convince them that I am the right person for the position…to no avail. I came home today feeling defeated and frustrated, being very frank and adamant with God. As I read your post I am encouraged for He says, Be still and know that I am God!
glamazini
I’m so glad God used this post to encourage and motivate you. 🙂
YourBestLifeYet
I can so relate to what you are going through. As the first child of Nigerian parents, I was told exactly what career choices to make that would make them proud. From my teachers to my relatives to friends all had their opinions. I started in Computer Engineering and graduated with a Civil Engineering degree. Like you, I excelled at my job and climbed the ladder fast but I was so not fulfilled. I was so bored, bored out of my mind!! Then one day, I was laid off and I panicked! I panicked because I had never ever been without a job and even when I left a job, I left of my own free will and already had another job waiting. Well along the way of waiting for a job related to Civil Engineering, I also applied to jobs in the health field and took some health classes (which is what i really should have gotten my degrees in) and I prayed. girl, did I pray! Anyway, I am now working in the health field in a career that titillates my brain lol! I know God was and still is in control because it took 3 years between getting laid off and getting hired at my dream job, and God took care of EVERYTHING! I’m saying all of this to say, that you should do what God has laid in you to do because at the end of it all, your happiness and prosperity of self is what matters to God, and believe me when I say that those who are not for burning ships will either come around or get out of your way or your life lol! Nothing is ever coincidental and God always provides a way out for anything He allows to come your way! Congratulations on your bundle of joy and the new and exciting path to your prosperity!!
glamazini
Thank you for sharing your story, it is so encouraging! I’m so happy for you that you are in a better place now. Thanks again! 🙂
Cheryl Simms
First, Congrats on the baby. Second, I understand where you are coming from. I have a sales job that is boring me to tears. I ache to do something creative, start a blog, open an internet store, market my book full time, but two kids a husband and mortgage keep me at the day job. However, I am working toward my dreams and will one day quit and do what I love. Don’t give up. Love your blog and videos.
glamazini
Thanks for sharing. I pray God will give you the desires of your heart. I have found any book by Barbara Sher really helps my mind. All the best!
MerelyMarie
I’ve always admired your self-awareness & “voice” Roshini, since finding you on Youtube! I have no doubts that you can make it Vlogging/Blogging/Art/Business Owner, or whatever else it is that you truly want to do. You can do it!!! All the best:)
glamazini
Thank you 🙂
Lola Zabeth
Preach, preach! This post is really speaking to me, thanks for being so candid. I too have been “staying the course” for longer than I care to admit. But for the last coupla years I have been holding my matches and gasoline ready to ‘burn the ships’ as you say. I need a swift kick in the arse and wish I had the cajones to do it myself. Sigh…time will tell. Anyhoo, thx for an awesome post and good luck with those ships and the new baby 🙂
glamazini
You’re welcome. I pray that God will give you the strength, know-how, and ideas to be able to make the moves necessary and leave your ships in ashes floating far far away. 🙂
Latoya
Please agree with me in prayer…
Lord, today I thank you for Roshini. Thank you for the giftings that you created inside of her, and the great plans that You have to prosper and not harm her. Lord, today Roshini has bared her heart to a bunch of people she doesnt even know, but Lord you know her heart’s intent and You are more than able to grant her the desires of her heart. I pray the you will crush every fear that haas held her bound, every doubt that has made her feet stand still, and the negative effects of every discouraging word that has been spoken to her. Father, she has heard from you clearly what she must pursue, and this will make her happy, and by extention make her hunsband and child(ren) very happy too. Help her to take those steps – however hard it may seem, and help her this time to NEVER LOOK BACK. Lord we know You are more than able! We give You the praise for what we are about to witness!!!! Halleluiah!!!
glamazini
Hi hun! Thank you for this much needed prayer. Amen.
Andrea
First Congrats on the soon-to-be-here-baby!
Last year, I walked away from a six-figure salary to start my own CPA practice. It was and still is hard. I’m making a lot less money right now, but I have ‘control’ over my life. Some days, I don’t know where my next paycheck is coming from, but I feel free as a bird. Before I went out on my own, I read a ton of inspirational books, The Art of Non-Conformity was one, and prepared myself for my eventual leap. And I’m a single mom with a daughter only a couple of years from college.
I have so many intelligent friends who’re miserable and hate their jobs and TALK about quitting, and now I say to them…”life is too short to be unhappy”
Taking the leap is SCARY, but there’s more to life than money and things! And once you make that leap you will never look back.
Email me if you’d like to talk more.
“Leap, and the net will appear”
-The Artist’s Way
-A
glamazini
Thanks! Amazing story, thanks for sharing. All the best with your business. 🙂
Cosmolude
Thanks for sharing. I do think (and pray) things will work out for you, especially when I think of other bloggers/vloggers who are following their dreams and doing well.
This post came in a timely manner for me because I feel the same way you do. It really didn’t hit me until this month but I realized I don’t really like my job anymore. I don’t see much room for growth and I’m not learning anything. Someone told me I should apply for another position with my department but I know I’m not qualified for it and I don’t want the position either. I’m just having trouble figuring out what I want to do next. I feel crazy because I don’t even know what I like to do anymore, lol 🙁 I think I may end up going back to school but I’m still trying to figure it all out.
glamazini
Thanks for the well wishes. I pray that you will have total clarity on what to do next.
MissGina
I’ve been looking back on my life as if I were 80 years and looking over my life like: I regret not running my own business. If I try and fail, thats one thing, but to have never tried at all, I couldn’t handle that at 80 years old, so if I were you, I would take my contract expiring as a sign and at least TRY and burn the ship. Make it work as if you had no husband to support you. And then, you will be successful because you will have no other option but to succeed. Burn that ship!!! Wishing you the best.
Also I heard woman are most creative & successful when they are creating a human. Something about them going into survival mode for the baby. So this maybe the best time for you! Do IT!
glamazini
Wow! That is a great way to look at it … I may even write a blog post about that perspective. Thanks so much for sharing!
Sue
This evening I turned on the TV and happened upon Joel Osteen. He was talking about God taking you through a storm. He said something about, the 3 men in the fire-Shadrach,Meshach and Abednego-they wanted to escape the fire but instead God made them fire-proof. What you are going through is a storm of sorts with winds buffeting you this way and that.
I think security is great but probably not at the expense of personal fulfillment and happiness. You need to figure out what you may lose as well as what you are NOT prepared to lose if you don’t “stay the course” as you’ve been told before.In short, take a calculated risk. You should know how much I admire you for being able to run a blog and vlog, organize and participate in events–> all outside of your job! If this is the path you want to follow, you are already on it.
All the best as you start on a new chapter in life!
glamazini
Thank you for the kind words and vote of confidence, it means a lot :).
Victoria
do what you love and the money will follow. there’s a way to turn any passion in to a successful career. you just need to take that first step and have a little faith.
glamazini
Thanks
BigTickles
God will first talk to you in a whisper, then he will get louder, then he will shout, then you may get hit by a car (not literally but figuratively) if you do not listen. You now have the opportunity to pursue what you have been desiring for so long. Do not let fear get in the way; do not be your own sabotager. Do one thing a day that scares the heck out of you; it will make you stronger. Do what you love girl, do what you love. God will make a way. **hugs** (sorry no idea how to make a smiley hug)
glamazini
Thank you for the encouragement. 🙂
Lashawn
Hi Roshini,
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and allowing us to share our story with you. I hope this gives you some encouragement.
For the last four+ years, I have been without a full time job. It’s been very, very stressful. You can imagine what this has done to my marriage. I went back to school, got my Master’s and was determined to work in the field that I’d gotten my Master’s degree in. I realized back in October, that over the last few years, I’d been blocking myself off from so many opportunities because I had tunnel vision on what I thought I SHOULD be doing. I had been turning my nose up to what I actually wanted to be doing because I thought it wasn’t “good enough”. I thought “I didn’t go back to school just to be ______”. Boy, what a way to think, :-/. I was really in a bad headspace, being so close-minded. Since December, I’ve had a more stable job (still part-time, but at least I do enjoy it), and I’ve finally gotten the nerve and gotten in the right headspace to put together all of my ideas and a plan to start my own business. I’m still in the early stages, but I’m more confident now than I was over the course of the last few years, that I will succeed in this business that will be MY OWN. Pray for me, :). Having this new state of mind and feeling so refreshed has also helped me look at my marriage in a much, MUCH more positive and humble way (that’s a TOTALLY different conversation!).
I’ve had to learn the hard way, with losing the last few years and not really taking advantage of them, but I know that it was no one but GOD who has stayed in my life. During times when I didn’t want to listen to him, when I didn’t follow his steps for my life, when I was fearful. He has always been there. I just had to take the reigns and EMBRACE what He’s been holding for me all this time. And that’s what I’m hoping that you’ll do. Embrace whatever it is that He has for you! You’ve been such an encouraging and inspiring person to us, now’s the time for you to savor and embrace all that’s here for you. Go out on a limb, take a chance, and KNOW that YOU WILL SUCCEED. And because of the person who I’m assuming you are from what I’ve been reading from you all this time, God will continue to take great care of you. He won’t let you fall. I’m rootin’ for ya, and I’m down here smiling big in NC for you. Go, Ini! 😀
glamazini
Thanks for sharing your story & for the encouraging words! All the best with your endeavors! 🙂
jay
Take it from me, once you burn your ships you’ll feel a sense of relief. I was in the IT field for a number of years and was miserable. Like you, I knew in undergrad that I wasn’t on the right track, but let others convince me that trying to change to something I felt more desirable wouldn’t be worth the time or effort. Needless to say for as long as I was in the field, I knew I should be doing something else. I had other ideas in my head that I wanted to pursue, but never officially put forth the effort.
It finally got to be too much and it took all of my effort just to get up and go into work every day. I started researching how I could change careers and I promise you doors just started opening up once I finally took the plunge and left my job.
I have always loved children and wanted to way to feel as though the work I do here on earth means something, is making a difference, and is also fulfilling to my heart.
I am now so happy and fulfilled that it amazes me that I didn’t have the courage to do this earlier. I will graduate in May with my Master’s and a license to teach. I work as an early childhood special education community resource teacher (long title)…It was worth the leap and I wouldn’t go back to an office for all of the money in the world.
Have faith and burn the ships!
glamazini
Wow, what an awesome story. Thanks for sharing!
Erica
I believe that pregnancy is one of the most powerful and creative moments in a woman’s life. If ever there was a time to burn a ship and make a change, it is now. Go for it, girl! Burn the ships! You can do it!
glamazini
Thanks for the vote of confidence 😀
Me
This post, and particularly your question about why success is measured monitarily, always intrigues me. I’m someone who “stays the course” in terms of the “job” that I use to pay my bills, but I don’t necessarily equate that to success even though I have a great job that I enjoy and excel at very much. What intrigues me is why this society sees the job as the destination. As important as I know it is, I’ve never gotten over the belief that it’s just a vehicle to make my dreams come true. So, with few exceptions, I haven’t had a job that made me miserable enough that I felt it was a sign of my failure–because there’s always another way to get money. I guess I’m part of the “this is just the easiest way for me to get the money I need to pay for the things I want” club, and I never let a job (career or otherwise) mean more than just that regardless of how much I enjoy the nature of the work. That said,membership to that club also means I’m a cardholder of the “no job is worth spending my personal time stressing about work” club, so I definitely advocate for the ship burners (when the time is right and the plan is well-thought out) as well.
I said all that to say, I wish you the best with whatever you decide, but I hope your next career move brings you peace of mind. A job is a job even if you make it your career (which to me just means you’re using your strongest skill as your long-term money making strategy), and HOW you make your money will never mean as much as what you use your money for. So maybe you stay the course just long enough to put away some seed money to get your side hustle to a comfortable main hustle status, at which point you can start staying that course. The job is the means, your dreams are your end. Use the means to get to the ends.
glamazini
Thanks for sharing. I definitely know there are people who think the way you do … I just don’t. My daily activities are definitely more to me than just “the easiest way for me to get the money I need to pay for the things I want”. Trust me, I’ve tried to convince myself I believe that … but I don’t … so I need to make some decisions that make me more peace. It would be nice if I honestly did think that way.
Kel
My mom’s church is believing that 2012 is a year of great opportunities, & I think that’s what’s definitely in front of you right now. You may be loosing a job, but it ran its course & you now have an opportunity to do what’s in your heart.
My degree was not really of my choosing…it was what I was told to do, but fortunately, I came to love my field of work. I can understand the pressure of doing what loved ones want you to do.
Thankfully we serve a God that can do the impossible! It may not be conceivable to burn the ship or go against the grain, but if it’s what’s really in your heart, God will make it easy to achieve.
It’s funny, both you and my cousin are in your early/mid 30s, pregnant, & will be losing a job soon. I’m definitely lifting y’all both up in prayer.
glamazini
Thanks so much for you kind words and encouragement. I appreciate it :).Tell your cousin I said a prayer for her.
brigitte
A little advise from the were-broken-now-happy person, follow your desires, it will make you the most happiest and successful person, I like your blog very interesting, huh:) Just never ride along with those who wants you to take another path.
Claire
That’s it. You’ve inspired me to burn my ship once and for all!
I’ve lived with divided loyalty for several years–trying two paths and succeeding at neither. What I need to do is focus and give my all to the next phase of my life. Without my ships.
I know who I was meant to be… 😉
glamazini
Wow, awesome! Go Claire go!